I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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