I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
