Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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