just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
