all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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