I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
