So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
