every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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