I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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