My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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