I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
