I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
