Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
