She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
