i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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