Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
