I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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