Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
