I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
