Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
