I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
