everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
