Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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