If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
