Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
