we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
