I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize