Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
