My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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