my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
