So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
