I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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