Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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