no, he came in my armpit
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize