My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
