I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
