Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
