Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
