Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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