Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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