Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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