omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
