Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
