6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
