I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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