after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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