Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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