your parents love me but you hate me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
