I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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