you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
