census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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