i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize