I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
