I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
