so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
