My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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