i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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