Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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