You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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