Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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