Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
