my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just google imaged poop.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
