drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
