I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
