some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize