He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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