almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
